I'm getting braces

After years of thinking and wondering and cursing the adolescent years I already spent with my teeth contorted in metal wires and headgear, I've decided today to go through Orthodontics Round 2.

Mind you, my teeth aren't terrible, but there is noticeable crowding in front. It sounds superficial, I know. There's no medical reason for doing this, but for years now it has pissed me off that I went through all that hassle in my tweens, only to find my teeth moving around on their own accord and making me feel somewhat self-conscious.

I like the orthodontist, by the way. She's open, friendly, explains everything, and is infinitely patient. Her office is about 5 minutes from my apartment and she was referred to me by regular dentist, an avuncular guy from Canada whom I also like.

Today was part two of my consultation. She'd already taken molds and panoramic x-rays the last time. She started off today's visit by showing me a mold of an "ideal" mouth: uppers and lowers lined up just so and centered just right, front teeth perfectly perpendicular to jaw, etc. Then she showed me my mold. Dear god, they looked awful in comparison to the other model. Uppers and lowers not lined up just right, front teeth at a weird angle that I was completely unaware of before, lower teeth doing their own thing. And it was freaky that she knew, off the top of her head, which patients had mouths just like mine, because she often reached into a shelf full of identical-looking molds and I swear, without even looking at them closely, magically grabbed the ones that had the exact orthodontic problem that she wanted to show me.

Long story short, we talked about cost, about options, pros and cons, payment schedules, and I decided to go for it. I'm doing Invisalign on the top, metal braces on bottom for about 12 months. Some of my teeth will be subjected to "interproximal reduction," which is a really scary word for a scary-sounding procedure of filing down the sides of certain teeth to give them room to move. I will be in pain for several days out of a month and unable to eat nothing but mush during the readjustment period. Chewing on ribs and wings off the bone will not be an option for a year. Most people on Invisalign curtail snacking between meals because it's too much of a hassle to pop the clear braces out each and every time you want to eat. I will even have to curtail the coffee drinking because they will stain the clear aligners, unless I have the patience to pop them out whenever I want a cup - which is about a gazillion times a day at this point. I will have to brush my teeth and the clear aligner in public bathrooms after I eat in restaurants and at work.

But I've thought about this long enough to decide that I want to fix this and have even taken out a big chunk out of flex spending to do it, so it's happening, folks -- in three weeks exactly.

Wish me luck!

-t