When's the last time anyone blogged?

Okay -- so it's been a while since any of us blogged on our site... that could be considered a good thing, since we can go with the ostrich approach to life that "no news is good news"... but I think we've all had momentous things happen in the last 8 months and we should share -- though I guess we have with each other on a regular basis...

As for me, I can speak of two major events in my life. My roommate moved out after 10 years and my firm went bankrupt... I guess those are pretty huge, since I've never lived without a roommate before and the LB bankruptcy is now used as a global time reference (similar to 9/11). i.e. since Lehman Brothers went bankrupt... The world financial crisis of 2008 really took a turn for the worst when Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy... What's really crazy is that I've been at this firm for over 15 years, and just like that, it no longer exists... it's really quite surreal.

Life without a roomie is a little odd... not that Win and I were ever on the same schedule, I would be asleep hours before she would be home and I would be at work hours before she woke on most mornings, but there was something reassuring about the closed bedroom door at the other end of the hallway. I still think of the smaller bedroom as Win's room. I don't use the room as much as I should... it is my "office" now, but I don't go in there all that much. It's more of a walk in closet, where my CDs and DVDs are kept and all my excess stuff resides. It's where I hang my laundry on laundry day and where I check email, but it's still Winnie's room. I still see Win regularly, but it's more coordinated, we make a point to have dinner vs. just happening to run into each other at home... I like living alone, but it's still a little weird not having her there.

Life after LB is also a little odd... I still go into the same office I've been going to for the last 5 years, I still have the same phone number and email, but I don't know how to answer the phones anymore. I don't feel as if I have a "work identity". The clients are the same, the work is the same, but the atmosphere is so different. There's a lot of hurt and resentment in the air. Uncertainty and apathy is constant. I don't even know who my direct manager is anymore. My manager's manager is leaving at the end of this week. My manager was supposed to have left, as was I, middle of last month. We were both "offered" temporary positions that are not defined... I don't even know who I tell if I need to take a sick or vacation day!

I wonder if these are the "signs" I've been looking for to make a change? I should look at it as, what more do I need, the company no longer exists! Do I even have a job? I don't have an obligation to maintain my apartment. You're free to do what you want! But again, the age old question, what do I want? I often wish I had a burning desire to do something! This is the time to pursue it, but I know that my personality is such that I am perfectly content to coast... I've never felt a burning need to do anything... and maybe that's why I can't seem to get my bearings now... because I'm so used to coasting, making an actual decision is causing a great deal of angst... I give myself artificial deadlines, but they come and go, and depending on the day, I change my mind... perhaps that is just the point. I've decided not to make a decision until such time as when I need to... when coming in to the same office, answering the same phone, paying the rent, is no longer an option for me... maybe then, I will finally do something...